Babel Fish

Logan Everett (E-mail Me)

Behold the terror that is... BABEL FISH!

I've made an amazing discovery. Babel Fish, Altavista's Online Translator, is an evil being from another dimension. Okay, maybe it just doesn't work to good. You see, if you type something in English (the more complex, the better), translate it to another language, then translate it back, it comes out different. Sometimes it comes out evil.

Here you will find some short paragraphs that have been "mangled" by Babel Fish. The final versions don't make any sense, of course. "Hence the humor" (-Jon Stewart). Now, let us begin with a line from a song we all know and hate...

Original:
People all over the world. Join Hands. Start a love train, love train.
Translated to French and Back:
People everywhere in the world. Join The Hands. Start a train of love, train of love.
Translated to German and Back:
People on whole earth. Connect hands. Employ a love series, love series.
Translated to Italian and Back:
People everywhere. To join The Hands. To start a train of love, train of love.
Translated to Portuguese and Back:
It populates everything on the world. It joins The Hands. It binds a train of the love, train of the love.
Translated to Spanish and Back:
All the concluído world populates. Assemble The Hands. Ignite a train of the lover, train of the lover.

Original:
It was a sunny summer afternoon in Paris. Sunny until the swarm of mutant bat frogs covered the sun. Swooping down like denizens of h*ll they came, ten at a time. Thousands died that day, and a good fellow named Charlie lost his pet alligator. That was partly his fault, because he flushed it down the toilet. His motivation for doing that, however, is a completely different story.
After one translation to French and back:
It was one afternoon sunny of summer in Paris. Shone upon to the swarm of frogs of beater of mutant covered the sun. Swooping downwards as of the denizens of h*ll they came, ten at the same time. The thousands died this day, and a good comrade named Charlie destroyed his alligator of pet. It was partly its defect, because it emptied it avalent the toilet. Its motivation to do that, however, is a completely different history.
After a second translation to French and back:
It was one afternoon sunny of the summer in Paris. Shone at the time with the swarm of frogs of the beater of the mutant covered the sun. Swooping in bottom in date of the denizens of the h*ll they came, ten at the same time. Dead thousands this day, and a good comrade named Charlie destroyed his alligator of pet. It was partly its defect, because it emptied it avalent the toilet. Its motivation to be made which, however, is a completely different history.

Original:
The Mexican Revolution is a tale of pride and triumph. There are many unknown stories that took place during this time period. One I know very well is the tale of "The Great Warrior". This man was said to be seven feet tall and could easily wield a cast iron sword. Unfortunately, most of the fighting back then was done with guns, so he was killed. But if he were alive today he would probably be good at basketball, and possibly knitting. It's time for my medication now.
After one translation to Spanish:
Of the Mexican revolution it is a story the pride and triumph. There are many unknown histories that happened during this period. One that I know is the story "of the great soldier very well ". Claimed to be seven feet of stop and it could easily handle to this man a sword of the fused iron. Unfortunately, most of the posteriora part fighting then was done with the arms, so they killed it. But if it were today alive who it would be probably good in the basketball, and possibly doing point. Now it is hour for my medication.
After a second translation to Spanish:
Of the Mexican revolution it is a history the pride and the triumph. There are many unknown histories that happened during this period. One that I know I am the history " of the great soldier ". demanded to be seven feet of the shutdown very well and it could easily handle to this man a sword of the fused iron. Unfortunately, most of the piece of the then posteriora that fought was done with the arms, so he killed to him. But if she were today alive who would be probably good in the basketball, and possibly doing the end. Now it is hour for my medication.

Original:
If there is any one European country that has influenced American food the most it is definitely Italy. Pizza and Pasta are two of the most popular dishes in America, especially in New York. I am personally fond of bathing in large vats of tomato sauce and pasta. Once I slept under a layer of pizzas, instead of a blanket. It was fun, but I had to make sure to shower the next morning. I wouldn't want tomato monsters growing in my crevices, now would I?
After one translation to Italian and back:
If there is all an European country that has influenced the food American more it it is definitively Italy. The peak and the paste are two of the more popular plates in America, particularly to New York. They are personally affectionate of bagnarsi in great vats of the sauce of tomatoes and the paste. Once that you slept under one layer of the peaks, rather than one covered. It was divertimento, but I have had to assicurarsi to overflow the next morning. I would not wish the monsters of the tomato that they grow in my fissures, hour I?
After a second translation to Italian and back:
If there is all an European country that has influenced the American of the food more it it Italy will be definitive. The peak and the glue are two of the more popular slabs in America, especially to New York. Personally they are affectionate of bagnarsi in large vats of the sauce of the tomatoes and the glue. Once that that one you slept under one layer of the peaks, rather than one covered. It was divertimento, but I have had to assicurarsi to traboccare the next morning. I would not wish the monsters of the tomato that they are developed in my cracks, hour I?

Original:
Most people in North America do not know very much about Portugal. This is not surprising since most Americans, Canadians, and Mexicans don't give a rat's behind about Europe. But in the spirit of education, I will share with you my knowledge of Portugal. Portugal is a small country on a peninsula bordering Spain. They sent out some of the first explorers to colonize the New World. For this reason, a few South American countries speak Portugal instead of the more common Spanish language. Please note that both these languages are similar in word construction and phonetic components.
After one translation to Portugese and back:
The majority of peoples in America of the North does not know very very on Portugal. This is not surprising since the majority of Americans, Canadians, and the Mexican behind does not give a rat approximately of Europe. But in the spirit of the instruction, I will share with you of my knowledge of Portugal. Portugal is a small country in a peninsula that limits Spain. They had emitted for it are some of the first explorers for colonizes the new world. For this ratio, some American countries south say Portugal in time of the more common Spanish language. It writes down please that both these languages are similar in the construction of the word and phonetic components.
After a second translation to Portugese and back:
The majority of the peoples in North America does not know very very in Portugal. This is not surprising since the majority of the Americans, Canadians, and the Mexican behind does not give a rat approximately of Europe. But in the spirit of the instruction, I will share with you of my knowledge of Portugal. Portugal is a small country in a peninsula these Spain limits. They had been emitted for it are some of the first explorers for you colonize the new world. For this relation, some American countries south say Portugal of the more common Spanish language at the time. It writes satisfies for low that both these languages are similar in the construction of the word and the phonetic components.

Original:
The Nazi party of Germany was one of the fiercest dictatorships of the twentieth century. However, it is only fair to also mention the hardships Germany experienced and the progress they have made. During the cold war, half of Germany was claimed by the communist power of the U.S.S.R. The destruction of the Berlin Wall was an immensely profound and progressive date in history. Don't ever forget that Germany also brought us the hamburger, and that is what most Americans are really thankful for.
After one translation to German and back:
The Nazi involved of Germany was one fiercest dictatorships of the twentieth century. However it is only appropriate also for mentioning the hardnesses experienced Germany and the progress which formed it. During the cold war half was maintained by Germany by the communist energy of the U.S.S.R. The destruction of the citizens of Berlin wall was immeasurable per find and progressive date in history. For at all you do not forget that Germany got us the also Hamburg ones, and which is, which most Americans are real thankful.
After a second translation to German and back: The Nazi, which was included from Germany with, was fiercest dictatorships the twentieth century. However it is only appropriate also for mentioning the hardnesses experienced Germany and the progress, which formed it. During the cold war half was maintained by Germany by the communist energy of the U.S.S.R. Per the destruction of the citizens of the citizens of Berlin wall discovery and progressive date were not measurable in history. For to all you do not forget that Germany received us also Hamburg one, and which is, which is most Americans real thankful.

Original:
My name is Joe Baseball. I was born in America, raised in America, and I will probably die in America. I am what you might call an "American". However, during my adult life I traveled all across Europe. I have seen many amazing things, met many amazing people, and tasted many amazing foods. During this time I developed a liking for the bicycle which I still ride to this very day. Oh, I'm sorry, but I must go now, the doctor says I need my daily beating about the cranium. See you later.
After translating to French and back:
My name is baseball of Joe. I was born in America, increased in America, and I will probably die in America. Am I what you could However call a " American "., during my life of adult I travelled all through Europe. I saw many astonishing things, met many astonishing people, and tasted many astonishing foods. During this time I developed to like for the bicycle which I mount always to date even. Ah, I am afflicted, but I must go now, the doctor says that I need my daily beat about cranium. See you later.
After translating the new story to German and back:
My name is baseball of Joe. I was born in America, increases Americas, and I probably die in America. Am I, which you could call however a " American "., during my life of the adult traveled I completely by Europe. I saw many amazing things, met many amazing people and tasted many amazing food. During this time I developed me as for to the bicycle, which I even hang up always up to now. Ampere-hour, I am betruebt, but I must now go, say the doctor that I need my daily impact over cranium. Until later.
After translating the new story to Italian and back:
My name is baseball of Joe. Sono be sopportato in America, increase the Americas and probably I die in America. They are, that you could call however " an American "., during my life of the adult has travelled completely from Europe. I have seen many things narcotic, I have come to contact of much narcotic people and have assagiato a lot the narcotic food. During this time I have developed it to the bicycle as far as, than I even hang in on always up to now. Ampere-hour, is betruebt, but I must hour to go, as an example the doctor that I have need of my daily effect over the cranium. Until more subsequently.
After translating the new story to Portuguese and back: My name is baseball of Joe Sono is sopportato in America, magnifies the Americas and probably I mount in America. They are become fullfilled, this that you could call " an American however "., during my life of the adult had travelled full of Europe. I saw many things narcotic, I came to the contact of peoples very narcotic and have the assagiato very the food narcotic. During this time I developed it it the bicycle until, of that I hang exactly inside on always so far. The ampere-hour, is betruebt, but I must hour go, as an example the doctor who I have the necessity of my daily effect on cranium. Until more subsequently.
After translating the new story to Spanish and back:
My name is baseball of Joe who Sono is sopportato in America, probably magnifies the Américas and amount in America. They become fullfilled, the one that you could call " an American nevertheless "., during my life of the adult had traveled completely of Europe. I saw many narcotic things, I came to the contact of very narcotic people and have the assagiato very the narcotic food. During this time I even developed to he it bicycle to it, of which I exactly hang inside ignition always until now. The ampere hour, is betruebt, but I must hour to go, like example the doctor that I have the necessity of my daily effect on cranium. Until more later.

Well, that's all I have for you today. Note some of the oddities, like "Narcotics" in the previous story. These were not added in by us in any way. I hope you have enjoyed the stories profusely. You can try it yourself at BabelFish.com. See you later, or, as they say in Italy, "Until More Subsequently".

Page Updated: 12/27/99